sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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