Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
