Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Randomize
