I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
