Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
