i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
