party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
