honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
