i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
