bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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