Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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