I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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