my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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