problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
