i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
