I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
