you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
