you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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