I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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