i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
