She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
