It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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