Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
