What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
