That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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