Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
