escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
