Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
