Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
