I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
