I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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