I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
