Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
