Do you still have your period?
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
