wakey wakey hands off snakey
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
