Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
