billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
