I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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