Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
