You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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