I need to stop coming to work sober
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
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