I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
