In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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