you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
