I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
