He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
did i just pee glitter
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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