y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
We need to rekindle our bromance
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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