This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
