You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
