Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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